Gladstone Park Secondary College is a public state school in Melbourne, Australia, founded in 1975. It is not an inspiring institution.
Gladstone Park Secondary College is a public state school in Melbourne, Australia, founded in 1975. It is not an inspiring institution.
The school is situated in Melbourne's north-western suburbs and is the biggest in the region. It is a multicultural melting pot, with students of over 70 ethnicities cursing goodness in over 150 languages.
A quirk that the student body has boasted of for three years is that there is not one student with naturally blonde hair.
The school has around 1500 matriculated students, a figure that has remained constant for over a decade. Over 35% of students are refugees and/or escapees, the highest of any school in Australia.
Its uniforms were brown and gold up until the early 1990s, when the school introduced a uniform of white polo shirt with a green logo and grey cotton shorts for boys and a green chequered dress for girls.
There is also the option of a blue bomber jacket, onto which the slower students write in black marker the name of the ethnic gang or UN-listed terrorist organisation which best represents their beliefs.
The school is situated in Melbourne's north-western suburbs and is the biggest in the region. It is a multicultural melting pot, with students of over 70 ethnicities cursing goodness in over 150 languages.
A quirk that the student body has boasted of for three years is that there is not one student with naturally blonde hair.
The school has around 1500 matriculated students, a figure which has remained constant for over a decade. Over 35% of students are refugees and/or escapees, the highest of any school in Australia.
Its uniforms were brown and gold up until the early 1990s, when the school introduced a uniform of white polo shirt with a green logo and grey cotton shorts for boys and a green chequered dress for girls.
There is also the option of a blue bomber jacket, onto which slower students write in black marker the ethnic gang or UN-listed terrorist organisation which best represents their beliefs.
While achieving similar Year 7 results in comparison with schools across Victoria, Gladstone Park's Year 9 results for reading, grammar and numeracy are so far below the state average that the education minister once said, 'Jesus, they're dumb; can't we just blow the place up?'
The school has several teachers, many of whom speak English AND can read, and 4 of whom are perverts. One of the maths teachers smells of elderberries, and then there's Miss Splatt. 65% of the P.E. teachers are actually retarded, and cannot legally vote in parliamentary elections.
While achieving similar Year 7 results in comparison with schools across Victoria, Gladstone Park's Year 9 results for reading, grammar and numeracy are so far below the state average that the education minister once said, 'Jesus, they're dumb; can't we just blow the place up?'
The school has several teachers, many of whom speak English AND can read, and 4 of whom are perverts. One of the maths teachers smells of elderberries, and then there's Miss Splatt. 65% of the P.E. teachers are actually retarded, and cannot legally vote in parliamentary elections.
Gladstone Park Secondary College is known throughout the state for its History, Arts and Home Economics programs.
It is the only school in Victoria to offer "Renaissance Lebanon" as a VCE subject and to teach its year 7-9 students forgery (steel-working), forgery (the bad type) and supermarket cashiering compulsorily.
It has a large sports program, which has seen over 20 teams win state championships in sports such as basketball and badminton, as well as 3 national championships—one in wrestling, one in Afghan Carcass Polo, one in Gaza Rock Throwing.
The school has a special partnership with local TAFE institutes, where 98% of graduates do apprenticeships or hairdressing diplomas. Centrelink has a permanent office inside the school grounds and students have free access to its services.
The school also employs a team of criminal lawyers to help the student body with its day-to-day needs.
Gladstone Park Secondary College is known throughout the state for its History, Arts and Home Economics programs. It is the only school in Victoria to offer "Renaissance Lebanon" as a VCE subject and to teach its year 7-9 students forgery (steel-working), forgery (the bad type) and supermarket cashiering compulsorily. It has a large sports program, which has seen over 20 teams win state championships in sports such as basketball and badminton, as well as 3 national championships—one in wrestling, one in Afghan Carcass Polo, one in Gaza Rock Throwing.
The school has a special partnership with local TAFE institutes, where 98% of GPSC graduates do apprenticeships or hairdressing diplomas. Centrelink has a permanent office inside the school grounds and students have free and regular access to its services.
The school also employs a team of criminal lawyers to help the student body with its day-to-day needs.
GPSC's first major appearance in the media was in 1996, when 19 students and a canteen lady were found to be illegal immigrants. In 2000 two students were found to be over the age of 35.
In 2002 the school was raided by Australian Federal Police after it was discovered that three year-11s were wanted by the FBI in connection with the September 11 terrorist attacks. In 2006 three year-12 students were convicted of being members of a terrorist organisation. In 2014 a year-12 student was charged with conspiring to commit a public beheading as a demonstration killing for ISIS.
There are regular parades through the school's two quadrangles, typically on days when Muslims kill Christians anywhere in the world. Palestinian and ISIS flags are flown, and young boys with body odour, preposterous facial hair, and anime fetishes yearn very loudly for the days when their grandparents herded goats and their uncles molested donkeys.
The current principal of Gladstone Park Secondary College is Sir Lynne Gutterson, who took over the position in 2006 and claims never to have eaten Burger Rings.
GPSC has been in the media several times. Its first major appearance was in 1996, when 19 students and a canteen lady were found to be illegal immigrants. In 2000 two students were found to be over the age of 35.
In 2002 the school was raided by Australian Federal Police after it was discovered that three year-11s were wanted by the FBI in connection with the September 11 terrorist attacks. In 2006 three year-12 students were convicted of being members of a terrorist organisation. In 2014 a year-12 student was charged with conspiring to commit a public beheading as a demonstration killing for ISIS.
There are regular parades through the school's two quadrangles, typically on days when Muslims kill Christians anywhere in the world. Palestinian and ISIS flags are flown, and young boys with body odour, preposterous facial hair, and anime fetishes yearn very loudly for the days when their grandparents herded goats and their uncles molested donkeys.
The current principal of Gladstone Park Secondary College is Sir Lynne Gutterson, who took over the position in 2006 and claims never to have eaten Burger Rings.
Notable ex-students include:
Criminals
• Yacqub Khayre – Australia's first convicted member of a terrorist organisation. Shot and killed in the 2017 Brighton siege.
• Mohammed Abdal-Aziz – Australia's second convicted member of a terrorist organisation.
• Mohammed Aziz-Abdal – the first person convicted of funding a terrorist organisation in Australia.
• Abdal Muhammad Aziz-Abdal Mohammed Aziz – convicted of planning to blow up St Paul's Cathedral on Christmas Day 2016.
• Boltok The Rapist
• Kem Hosseini – Criminal Lawyer who defended the first 4 people on this list, two of whom he used to play downball with.
Non-criminals
• Cameron Baird – recipient of the Victoria Cross for Australia.
• Hector Grieve
• Joshua Humphreys – writer and comedian; author of Exquisite Hours.
· Yacqub Khayre – Australia's first
convicted member of a terrorist
organisation. Shot and killed in the 2017
Brighton siege.
· Mohammed Abdal-Aziz – Australia's
second convicted member of a terrorist
organisation.
· Mohammed Aziz-Abdal – the first
person convicted of funding a
terrorist organisation in Australia.
· Abdal Muhammad Aziz-Abdal
Mohammed Aziz – convicted of
planning to blow up St Paul's Cathedral
on Christmas Day 2016.
· Boltok The Rapist.
· Wissam Fattal Jamal – inventor of the
Hummus Bath.
· Kem Hosseini – Criminal Lawyer who
defended the first four alumni in this
list, two of whom he used to play
downball with.
· Cameron Baird – recipient of the Victoria
Cross for Australia.
· Hector Grieve
· Joshua Humphreys – writer and
comedian; author of Exquisite Hours.
