JOSHUA HUMPHREYS

JOSHUA
HUMPHREYS

NOVELIST, POET, PLAYWRIGHT,

HELLRAISER, VERY TALL PERSON...


Since the day he hijacked his high school's Wikipedia page and became thereby an underground hero,

Josh has always written comedy.


While being miseducated at La Trobe University,

he spent 2 years writing and performing in plays and doing stand-up before realising that he was meant to be writing novels. 


So he has spent the better part of the last 10 years gallivanting around Europe and Asia...


In 2015 he published his first novel,

Waxed Exceeding Mighty.

For 6 weeks he smuggled copies of it into London bookstores

and exhorted his readers to steal them.

In 2016 he dressed up as a mermaid and published Exquisite Hours.


That novel sold out 4 print-runs in 7 weeks
and allowed him to gallivant with redoubled vigour...

In 2015 he published his first novel,

Waxed Exceeding Mighty.

For 6 weeks he smuggled copies of it into London bookstores & exhorted his readers to steal them.

In 2016 he dressed up as a mermaid and published Exquisite Hours.


That novel sold out 4 print-runs in 7 weeks and allowed him to gallivant with redoubled vigour...



In April the same year, Humphreys travelled through the

former Yugoslavia in search of a magical sword.


Arrested in Serbia for bedding a shepherdess, he was subjected to 48 hours of onion torture. He suffers still from an

irrationally specific fear of Serbian onions.


He introduced adult colouring books to the pencil-despising mountain people of northeastern Albania and in Bosnia

ate yoghurt with three heads of state and a goat

who owned a tractor.


He did not find the magical sword.

In April that year, Humphreys travelled through the former Yugoslavia in search of a magical sword.


Arrested in Serbia for bedding a shepherdess, he was subjected to 48 hours of onion torture. He suffers still from an irrationally specific fear of Serbian onions.


He introduced adult colouring books to the pencil-despising mountain people of northeastern Albania and in

Bosnia ate yoghurt with three

heads of state and a goat

who owned a tractor.


He did not find the magical sword.


In June he went to Southeast Asia, where he defeated three heads of state (different ones to the ones he ate yoghurt with)

in a Laotian arm-wrestling tournament,

winning thereby the token title of

’King of The White Elephants.’


In late July he travelled to the Holy Land where he is said to

have beheaded a camel with one blow of his sword.


Not a magical sword. A regular one; obviously.

He never found the magical one.


 In Jordan he met Michael Jordan, and in Saudi Arabia

picked snowberries with Frank Saudi Arabia.



In June he went to Southeast Asia, where he defeated three heads of state (different ones to the ones he ate yoghurt with) in a Laotian arm-wrestling tournament, winning thereby the token title of

’King of The White Elephants.’


In late July he travelled to the Holy Land where he is said to

have beheaded a camel with one blow of his sword.


Not a magical sword.

A regular one; obviously.

He never found the magical one.


 In Jordan he met Michael Jordan, and in Saudi Arabia

picked snowberries

with Frank Saudi Arabia.



In August he returned with his uncle,

Mel Gibson, to The Orient.


In Burma he and his uncle, Mel Gibson, learned from a jungle hermit how to make magical undershirts. They sell them now, he and his uncle, Mel Gibson, to extremely stitious Filipino politicians.


When he and Mel Gibson

—who is his uncle—

tried their hands at the Vietnamese fish-based martial art of Ca Bong, Humphreys’ uncle, Mel Gibson, was so displeased at being slapped in the belly button with a mackerel that they

—Josh and his uncle, Mel Gibson—

parted ways.



In August he returned with his uncle, Mel Gibson, to The Orient.


In Burma he and his uncle, Mel Gibson, learned from a jungle hermit how to make magical undershirts. They sell them now, he and his uncle, Mel Gibson, to extremely stitious Filipino politicians.


When he and Mel Gibson—who is his uncle—tried their hands at the Vietnamese fish-based martial art of Ca Bong, Humphreys’ uncle, Mel Gibson, was so displeased at being slapped in the belly button with a mackerel that they—Josh and his uncle, Mel Gibson—parted ways.




For most of October his best friend was a treasure-hunting squirrel called Alexandrina.

For most of October
his best friend was a treasure-hunting squirrel called Alexandrina.

Hair is not his own. He wears a toupee made of goblins’ beards, said to ward off the bullcrap of moon-hugging yoga instructors.


Then he released his third and funniest novel, GRIEVE


Then it was his birthday.


He was the chief inspiration for Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.


He taught Jack Nicholson how to falcon, and has twice worked as Daniel Day Lewis’ dialect coach.


Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiinaaage.


He was one of the first white men to see an ostrich eat nails and his efforts have been integral to the conservation of the Californian Stink Badger.


He is the ‘other brother’ to whom Beyoncé refers in Single Ladies.


He is very happily banned from France.

And despite his own frequent assertions he is neither

the rightful King of Thailand nor the long-lost Empress of Hungary.


He is currently writing with his uncle, Mel Gibson, an opera based on his gallivanting.


He divides his year between Southeast Asia, Europe, and Melbourne.


He would divide it between his heirs, but he has none.


Hair is not his own. He wears a toupee made of goblins’ beards, said to ward off the bullcrap of moon-hugging yoga instructors.


Then he released his third and funniest novel, GRIEVE


Then it was his birthday.


He was the chief inspiration for Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man.


He taught Jack Nicholson how to falcon and has twice worked as Daniel Day Lewis’ dialect coach.


Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiinaaage.


He was one of the first white men to see an ostrich eat nails and his efforts have been integral to the conservation of the Californian Stink Badger.


He is the ‘other brother’ to whom Beyoncé refers in Single Ladies.


He is very happily banned from France.

And despite his own frequent assertions he is neither the rightful King of Thailand nor the long-lost Empress of Hungary.


He is currently writing with his uncle
—Mel Gibson—

an opera based on his gallivanting.


He divides his year between Southeast Asia, Europe, and Melbourne.


He would divide it between his heirs, but he hasn't any.


— AND YOU CAN READ HIS BOOKS HERE —

—AND YOU CAN READ  
                 HIS BOOKS HERE—

Everything I've ever written.

Everything I've
ever writ:


GRIEVE, Exquisite Hours,

Waxed Exceeding Mighty,

AND

To Save A Forest Virgin—

shipped to the US | AU | UK


Or start off with just the one.


(The default is Exquisite Hours.
If you'd like another

[GRIEVE is funnier]

do let me know after purchasing!)